8 Sure Signs You’re A New Mom

Absolutely everything changes when you become a new mom. Everything changes when you get pregnant, and then it changes again once your baby is born. Some changes are easy to adapt to and others are really hard to let go. Like Happy Hour. But all that money you save on Vodka Tonics will now go to baby Nike’s or hair bows, so don’t  worry – you won’t save any money out of the deal. Through all of the ups and downs your body and your mind go through, you’ll learn so much about yourself and you’ll realize how strong you really are. If you’re anything like me, you’ll fall in love with yourself because you learn how to pull off this mom thing.

So, just in case you aren’t from Edmond, Oklahoma where you can smell a mom in a minivan from a mile away, here are 8 sure signs you’re a new mom:

1. You have lost your mind.

 You can call it “Pregnancy Brain” or “Mommy Brain” but you will straight up lose your damn mind. I’m talking keys in the fridge, what-did-I-come-in-here-for brain cell loss. Remember that episode of Newlyweds where Jessica Simpson gets confused whether she’s eating chicken or tuna? That’s where you’re headed, sister. You will have many “I know this is tuna, but the can says chicken” moments, so take the opportunity to laugh at yourself (because everyone else is!)

 

2. Your biggest fear is clipping those microscopic finger nails.

They are so tiny and so soft, it’s nearly impossible! You can try the bite-and-peel technique or you can dive in head first with the clippers, but either way, you won’t clip off their whole finger. I promise!

3. You have lost a friend. Or two.

Having a baby can alienate you, bottom line. You might have girlfriends who don’t have children that will go on about their lives without you. They won’t check in to see how your leaking breasts are doing, and they won’t understand what you do all day even though you’re “just sitting at home”. Try to be understanding because you can’t expect their lives to change just because yours has. Make friends with other moms of babies and nurture those relationships. They will get you. Your true friends from Pre-Motherhood will be available at all hours of the night and will understand when your coffee date gets postponed. Just remember that you-time, girl-time and hubby-time is just as important as baby-time.

4. You are exhausted.

So exhausted that you are cranky, mad, pissed. And then you feel guilty that you’re mad. So exhausted that you are empathetic towards those women who drive their cars into lakes. Not that it makes it right, obviously, and not that you’ll do that, but you get it now. In my experience, I got the hang of napping when my baby did, and he started sleeping through the night at 2 months, but I hit a wall in his 10th month. That was the hardest month for me for several reasons but mainly because I had severe back pain that had been building up and it was all from carrying and holding my heavy heavy heavy baby. He’s been about 25 pounds since he was 4 months old and my back felt like it had broke. I did the chiropractor/massage deal and it helped, but when you are in physical pain all day, you become exhausted from that and mentally frustrated. So take the time to take care of yourself even though it will be hard to leave your baby to go to the gym, or the masseuse or whatever it is that you need to do to be physically capable of being Supermom.

5. You’ve figured out how to work a Diaper Genie.

And you can switch out the refill in 20 seconds flat.

6. Modesty is a thing of the past.

Not only was your Hootie and the Blowfish in plain view during labor for about 8 nurses while your knees were damn near past your head, but your boobies are exposed for (what seems like) hours while your breast feeding guru shows you how to squeeze your boobs from top to bottom in a way that just shouldn’t be natural. For me personally, breast feeding didn’t come natural and didn’t last long, but I have heard many stories of my friends getting very used to whipping out a boob when the baby is hungry. Also, there will come a time when you can no longer use the bathroom alone. At this time in my baby’s life, he hasn’t started barging in on me, it’s basically just not safe for him to be alone for the 15 seconds it takes to pee and wash my hands so instead of hearing him scream bloody murder from his crib or playpen, I just take him into the bathroom with me. And he grabs at my underwear, unrolls the whole roll of toilet paper, or tries climbing into the bathtub so I’m doing all my business one-handed and one footed, at times.

7. Brushing your teeth has become a luxury.

Especially in the first few weeks. Since you’re a walking zombie from consistent interrupted sleep, and you’re delirious from the emotional high of having a baby, your hygiene levels may drop along with your estrogen. Or… Maybe that was just me? Anyway, there is so much going on and you’re trying to get everything right- a good, minty burst in your mouth can be just what the OB ordered.

8. You are in love.

With everything. With their wrinkly skin, their smile, their toots. Baby toots are the cutest thing in the world. You love being covered in spit up, drool, and soggy Cheerios. Or you don’t mind it, at least! You’re also in love with the person you have become. They say “Having a baby changes you” but they didn’t specify that it would be immediate and dramatic. You will feel emotions that you’ve never felt before and you won’t be able to put words to your feelings. Those words haven’t been created yet. You will not remember life before your baby, and if you do, nothing before it compares. And you love that. Moving along with their first year is so exciting and so bittersweet. You want your baby to meet all those milestones but it won’t ever seem like it could possibly be time yet! Your baby’s smile will melt your heart like it’s never melted before. And you will never love teeth as much as you do those first bottom two. The excitement you feel when they wave and point for the first time is unbelievable. I can only assume that feeling is the same when they walk into school for the first time and when they walk across the graduation stage.

 

May we all continue to find joy in the small things. May we continue to stay patient. May we all be attentive and present in every second because the days are short in the long run. May we continue to love and be in love.

Take Care of Yourself!

-HPK